Heather MacArthur's fiancé, Uxbridger Jack Wesselo, is a helicopter pilot recently deployed to Afghanistan. His “Kandahar Diary” appears alternately with Heather’s reflections on the home front.
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What I've learned
As we begin to near the end of our time apart, I can't help but reflect upon how we both have experienced the days since Jack was deployed to Afghanistan. I find myself at a loss for words to explain what it is like to continue our time apart. I know that the end is approaching, and that more time has passed with Jack away from home than I have remaining in front of me. The focus of the next few months remains uncertain in terms of what plans we will be able to make, but for now those details don't seem to be of any concern. For now, all I want is for Jack to come home to me, safe and soon.
I can only imagine what he has seen and done in these past five months. There are stories in the news of course, so I'm not completely ignorant of what he may have been doing. In addition, I do work in a unique industry, in that life and death are often topics of conversation in the lunch room. Jack and I have often spoken about the need to live life in the present and not get too concerned over the little stresses in life that can crop up unexpectedly.
I have a lot more patience and perspective these days on what this can mean. I don't have the time, nor the desire to become angry at others when their plans change, or when their own stresses mean that they are not able to support me but instead require support themselves. I try to just go with the flow of what happens, with the changes that can come my way upon a moment’s notice. There is just so much that you can't control in life, aside from how you deal with what comes at you.
I actually feel good about most of the loneliness, knowing that there is an end in sight and knowing that even though I would rather have passed this time with Jack that I have made good use of the time on my own. I've been busy with school, the house, my own friends and family- certainly I've spent more days knowing there was much left to do than there was time to think about how it was going to be done. I think I've come to understand that this deployment is just the first of many separations that Jack's career will impose upon our family life.
We all make choices that affect our work-life balance, so this is not something to be angry about or resentful towards Jack for his choices. He is in a job that he loves, where he gets to fly, learn and constantly challenge himself. While I would choose for him to be able to do this kind of work and still return to me every night, sometimes the reality is that you have opportunity costs to endure in order to gain something else in return: Christmas, a five year anniversary, Valentine's day, my 30th birthday and other celebrations won't come around again. Sometimes the price you pay for what you want in one area of your life costs you in other areas of your life, if you choose to look at it that way. For myself, I just feel like these celebrations are on hold, to be carried out when Jack returns to me, with much more meaning and depth of understanding for how valuable it is for us to be able to share our time together. I haven't lost out on as many opportunities to try and be a loving person and be at peace with myself as I have gained in our time apart- and I hope when he returns that I have truly done right by both of us in that regard.
For now, there isn't much left to say. It has been a rollercoaster emotional journey during the time that Jack has been away; one that I have learned from, but also one that I am ready to trade in for a few lazy turns around a nice, small merry go round pace of life for a while.
